by ponchi101Bienvenue mesdames et messieurs, bienvenue au café la guillotine!!!
This will be the place were, soon enough, all of you losers will drown your sorrows after another, 'ow you say, deplora..., disgusti..., uhm, terrible display of 'ow really you know nuthing about tennis on la terre bateau. Oui, here you will be after remembering too late to check for injuries, a 'orrible 'ead to 'ead record, or some other banana peel on la rive gauche that made you slip, fall and drown in Le Siene.
(Le Siene is that cesspool that runs through Paris, but never mind it).
Pardon our rudeness but, we are French. We, 'ow you say, tell it like it is and the reality is that most of you will be 'ere soon enough. So, why not take your time this week and enjoy our fine collection of cocktails and French wines? Oh, and do not pay attention to those rumors that our chef is a rrat. Our cuisine is tres magnifique; order the ratatouille and you will see.
Also, we do offer absinthe, the mythical poison, er, I mean, drink that can induce barely legal level of 'allucinations. It is the one that, it is rumored, led Vincent Van Gogh to cut one ear off, which is exactly 'ow you will feel after your pick loses 10-12 in the new fifth set TB at Roland Garros.
We will leave you for know with some music, but rest assured that we will, sooner rather than later, play LA VIE EN ROSE. Although we are actively looking for a version that says LA VIE EN ROUGE, because red is the color of this game. Red as in "you are dead". You know what we mean.
Now, if you can follow our maître di he will lead you to your gallows, er, we mean, your table. Salut!
by ponchi101 It is a terrible commentary that the best song about Paris was written by an American but, that's the way the croissant crumbles.
These garcons here play a good cover.
Berlin-Bar-680x453.jpg
That way, when the gets to you, it will be easier to clean the floor
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by ponchi101 As we approach our grand opening, we wanted to show you our new décor. We 'ope we did not overdo the red.
Berlin-Bar-680x453.jpg
That way, when the gets to you, it will be easier to clean the floor
by ashkor87 Only three things are inevitable in life- death, taxes and loser's lounge on SP..
by texasniteowl Well...day 1 out on WTA SP...I thought Li would beat van Uytvanck. I was wrong.
And I had Jabeur on my SKAN team. So much for that!
edit:
ponchi101 wrote: ↑Sun May 22, 2022 4:19 pm
Commentary.
Li. Drinks are ON THE HOUSE for you at the Cafe La Guillotine. Your player is up 6-3 in the first, and 3-2 in the second, and she retires. We have no news as to what happened to her, but, whatever it might have been (C19, a meteorite fell on her head, bubonic plague, some truly nasty spell, what have you) you just caught one truly bad break. Drop by the lounge; you need to drown those sorrows quickly. Like, right now
This makes it worse! I didn't catch it live so I didn't know the circumstances!
by JazzNU
texasniteowl wrote: ↑Sun May 22, 2022 5:12 pm
Well...day 1 out on WTA SP...I thought Li would beat van Uytvanck. I was wrong.
If it helps, you were not really wrong. Li was up a set and a break when she was forced to retire with an injury.
by texasniteowl
JazzNU wrote: ↑Sun May 22, 2022 5:17 pm
If it helps, you were not really wrong. Li was up a set and a break when she was forced to retire with an injury.
Do we know what the injury was? I mean ponchi wrote that she was up a set and 3-2 in the 2nd so did the injury occur during the match like did she roll her ankle badly and it was obvious or did she bring an injury into the match?
JazzNU wrote: ↑Sun May 22, 2022 5:17 pm
If it helps, you were not really wrong. Li was up a set and a break when she was forced to retire with an injury.
Do we know what the injury was? I mean ponchi wrote that she was up a set and 3-2 in the 2nd so did the injury occur during the match like did she roll her ankle badly and it was obvious or did she bring an injury into the match?
Not trying to sidetrack the thread, but it sounds like it was sustained in-match. Shoulder injury. Here's a link to a tweet from Ben about it.
by texasniteowl Thanks. That sucks for me. And someone promised free drinks. I'm partial to margarita's...so I'll take 2 please!
Margaritas.jpg
Bottles.jpg
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by ponchi101 Enchante, Monsieur! We prepare our Margaritas with a little twist of Grand Marnier or Cointreau. As you 'ave ordered two, we will give you one of each.
Drink, monsieur, drink. You 'ave deserved it!
Margaritas.jpg
Bottles.jpg
by texasniteowl Magnifique! Merci.
by Chad1
ponchi101 wrote: ↑Mon May 16, 2022 4:00 pm
Oh, and do not pay attention to those rumors that our chef is a rrat. Our cuisine is tres magnifique; order the ratatouille and you will see.
You were right about KaRATsev, who put the "rat" in the ratatouille tonight, stretching it out all the way to a 5th set tiebreak <facepalm>
Free (though highly questionable) appetizers to anyone else who thought of the more recent movie in which the rat in Ratatouille was misheard (or perhaps "corrected"?) to being a raccoon when they read Ponchi's line about the cuisine
by shmrck14 Ugh, I deserve to be Karaseved. I had picked Munar and then lost my nerve, changed my pick and here i am
And I had Jabeur in the SKAN contest and used her path for my top choice in You' Can't Win Jack contest so I'd say I'm out there too.
flaming_absinthe.jpg
Indeed, a rough day for your contests. -->
by ponchi101
shmrck14 wrote: ↑Sun May 22, 2022 9:34 pm
Ugh, I deserve to be Karaseved. I had picked Munar and then lost my nerve, changed my pick and here i am
And I had Jabeur in the SKAN contest and used her path for my top choice in You' Can't Win Jack contest so I'd say I'm out there too.
shmrck14 wrote: ↑Sun May 22, 2022 9:34 pm
Ugh, I deserve to be Karaseved. I had picked Munar and then lost my nerve, changed my pick and here i am
And I had Jabeur in the SKAN contest and used her path for my top choice in You' Can't Win Jack contest so I'd say I'm out there too.
...uuuuh, I say.... some absinth? On fire?flaming_absinthe.jpg
Indeed, a rough day for your contests.
Ohhh, that looks very nice and should sooth the pain some
by ponchi101 oooooh, Nuria Parrizas Diaz is looking kind of grey, and wasted, and.... dead
Yes, she is dead. Parisian Necrosis.
Table for 30. Ouch. Let us know what you want to drink. Bandwagon 1 goes down
by JTContinental I swear I am eliminated every time I pick Karolina Pliskova, and yet I continue to do so...
Not that my day 2 pick is safely through yet
by mmmm8 For the second (but also third, because both pools) time in 17 years, I've succombed to the deadly No Pick. Waiter, a sturdy noose, please. I don't deserve a last drink.
by Cainim's Back Hand My first ever loss by no pick! This is a fantastic moment of pride for me. Sigh.
moose.jpg
Oh, noose, you said NOOSE!!!
noose.jpg
But why, dear? We are La Guillotine. It would have the same effect, although slightly messier... -->
by ponchi101
mmmm8 wrote: ↑Tue May 24, 2022 11:43 am
For the second (but also third, because both pools) time in 17 years, I've succombed to the deadly No Pick. Waiter, a sturdy noose, please. I don't deserve a last drink.
Ok, sort of an odd request, but we can prepare these with a dash of vodka and I am sure you will enjoy them:
moose.jpg
Oh, noose, you said NOOSE!!!
noose.jpg
But why, dear? We are La Guillotine. It would have the same effect, although slightly messier...
by meganfernandez
mmmm8 wrote: ↑Tue May 24, 2022 11:43 am
For the second (but also third, because both pools) time in 17 years, I've succombed to the deadly No Pick. Waiter, a sturdy noose, please. I don't deserve a last drink.
This is the worst! Can you blame someone, something? I would. Good run, though. I had a no-pick after losing a mixed-doubles match to an obnoxious guy. I raged so hard that night and the next morning that I forgot to make my pick - and it was the weekend, and the French, and I was halfway to a medal with Rafa as a shoe-in. Hate that guy and still won't be on a court with him (mostly because he's obnoxious).
by Irena2 What was I thinking of picking against a Frenchman on Tsonga's big day? Just not on my mind yesterday. A big glass of Bordeaux, s'il vous plaît?
by Irena2 Oh, and a case of Vegemite for De Minaur.
bordeaux.jpg
As for your vegemite: we serve it with a runny egg on top, which is what a person deserves after winning a 4th set 6-l'euf, going up 3-l'euf in the fifth, and then blowing it:
vegemite.jpg
Enjoy the wine, and tolerate the vegemite, if you are into those thing -->
by ponchi101 We offer a very good selection of Bordeaux, so you have an entire bottle. Well deserved after a such a long match
bordeaux.jpg
As for your vegemite: we serve it with a runny egg on top, which is what a person deserves after winning a 4th set 6-l'euf, going up 3-l'euf in the fifth, and then blowing it:
vegemite.jpg
Enjoy the wine, and tolerate the vegemite, if you are into those thing
by Irena2
ponchi101 wrote: ↑Tue May 24, 2022 7:02 pm
We offer a very good selection of Bordeaux, so you have an entire bottle. Well deserved after a such a long match
Thank you very much!
ponchi101 wrote: ↑Tue May 24, 2022 7:02 pm
As for your vegemite: we serve it with a runny egg on top, which is what a person deserves after winning a 4th set 6-l'euf, going up 3-l'euf in the fifth, and then blowing it:
vegemite.jpg
Enjoy the wine, and tolerate the vegemite, if you are into those thing
All the vegemite is for Alex, runny egg is a appropriate ending to a toeuf match! (ok, that's enoeuf )
by mmmm8
meganfernandez wrote: ↑Tue May 24, 2022 12:57 pm
This is the worst! Can you blame someone, something? I would. Good run, though. I had a no-pick after losing a mixed-doubles match to an obnoxious guy. I raged so hard that night and the next morning that I forgot to make my pick - and it was the weekend, and the French, and I was halfway to a medal with Rafa as a shoe-in. Hate that guy and still won't be on a court with him (mostly because he's obnoxious).
I won our work English Premier League Fantasy soccer mini-league and got overly cocky.
by ashkor87 Picked two Swiss in a row ...I deserve some cheese, I think..old, stinking cheese..unless the Swiss have any special drink I am not aware of?
SwissWine.jpg
And, as you ask for le frommage. Le swiss are adept at this very pungent cheese, simple in elaboration but strong in le smell. So, we can serve you and entire tableau of it, so the stench of cheese will cover that of your rotten corpse.
Cheese.jpg
Salut, Monsieur! Enjoy your tennistic afterlife. It seems to us you will be joined soon by some people that will request something Argentinean. 'ope you will be drunk by the time they come on. They are a raucous crowd. -->
by ponchi101 Ah, Monsieur Ashkor, you 'ave come to the right place! You know that 'ere we aim to please.
It is fortunate that our sommelier is of a broad education. Did you know that the Swiss actually produce some excellent wines? Indeed, they do, and therefore, as you 'ave committed the lunacy of picking Swiss players in pairs, we offer you a fine selection of two superb wines from the region. They are priced as if you were the chairman of one of their famed banks but, after such ugly demise, money should be no object. After all, you are dead.
SwissWine.jpg
And, as you ask for le frommage. Le swiss are adept at this very pungent cheese, simple in elaboration but strong in le smell. So, we can serve you and entire tableau of it, so the stench of cheese will cover that of your rotten corpse.
Cheese.jpg
Salut, Monsieur! Enjoy your tennistic afterlife. It seems to us you will be joined soon by some people that will request something Argentinean. 'ope you will be drunk by the time they come on. They are a raucous crowd.
today I picked the lovely Petra, and now this e-bar is real as I am out.
but thank you for all you TAT2 people do!
wine.jpg
And this:
burger.jpg
3, 1 & 4. That was embarrassing -->
by ponchi101 7 poor souls (including me) just lost, IN PARIS, to a burger.
So, you don't get a fine selection of wine. No, you don't. You get this:
wine.jpg
And this:
burger.jpg
3, 1 & 4. That was embarrassing
gin.jpg
This drink, 'ere, is called a "Jean and Tonic". For this edition, it is actually a "Jeanjean & tonic".
You can 'ave a plate of your awfuldisgustingputridinsipid delicious fish and chips, too:
fishchips.jpg
Enjoy! See you at Wimbledon, where Evans will 'ave a better chance... -->
by ponchi101 And 13 more souls walk in 'ere. Allez, vous sont anglais, so we 'ave a special drink for you:
gin.jpg
This drink, 'ere, is called a "Jean and Tonic". For this edition, it is actually a "Jeanjean & tonic".
You can 'ave a plate of your awfuldisgustingputridinsipid delicious fish and chips, too:
fishchips.jpg
Enjoy! See you at Wimbledon, where Evans will 'ave a better chance...
by texasniteowl Well, at least I made it to day 5 on the men's side. As long as there is some malt vinegar, I like fish & chips!
bloodymary.jpg
We make it with THIS vodka:
vodka.jpg
Come! 'ave one! Or 19, which are the people that died due to Martina T. -->
by ponchi101 We 'ave a special drink for this Sunday, Bloody Sunday.
It is called a BLOODY MARtYna.
bloodymary.jpg
We make it with THIS vodka:
vodka.jpg
Come! 'ave one! Or 19, which are the people that died due to Martina T.
by patrick With Rune defeating Tsitsipas, I can not win the SP. Therefore, I would like a billion dollars and the most expensive vehicle.
by ptmcmahon No money and vehicles for people still alive! Losers only
cocktail.jpg
The recipe, in case you wonder why we charge that much: 2 shots Rutte Gin. Made with grains that have been fertilized with manure from cows that have not known bulls. 1 shot Martini Rosso vermouth. Elaborated with grapes squashed by barefoot nuns that have never even uttered a profanity and carry a chastity vow, as did their mothers, and their mothers' mothers. 1/2 shot pineapple juice. Made with pineapples grown on the windward slopes of a volcano in which 100 virgins have been sacrificed. 1/4 Griffard grenadine syrup. Griffard was the ultra-luxurious suburb in Atlantis; only Greek demi-gods were allowed to buy this ambrosia-like delicacy (don't ask how WE got one bottle) 1/2 shot pasteurized egg white. Made with eggs impregnated by the rooster that was the actual MODEL for the French Rooster logo.
About the car:
We can get you this little toy which recently auctioned for $147 MILLION. No, we are not making this up. The Mercedes Benz 300 SLR Uhlenhaut Coupe was one of TWO made, and was sold so MB would use that money for charity. It comes with a contract that if you as much as sneeze within ten meters of the entrance to the estate where you have a fireproof garage where you keep it under 24 hour surveillance by an Israeli Army commando, you have to give it back.
mercedes.jpg
I hope you don't mind if we ask, at the very least, to see your Black America Express card. Prior to serving you. -->
by ponchi101
patrick wrote: ↑Mon May 30, 2022 3:27 pm
With Rune defeating Tsitsipas, I can not win the SP. Therefore, I would like a billion dollars and the most expensive vehicle.
Well, you are not making it easy, but we aim to please.
We do not have a billion dollars, but we do have a MILLION DOLLAR cocktail. We serve it in a Swarovski/Bavarian crystal glass, and you must drink it at floor level to avoid dropping it.
cocktail.jpg
The recipe, in case you wonder why we charge that much: 2 shots Rutte Gin. Made with grains that have been fertilized with manure from cows that have not known bulls. 1 shot Martini Rosso vermouth. Elaborated with grapes squashed by barefoot nuns that have never even uttered a profanity and carry a chastity vow, as did their mothers, and their mothers' mothers. 1/2 shot pineapple juice. Made with pineapples grown on the windward slopes of a volcano in which 100 virgins have been sacrificed. 1/4 Griffard grenadine syrup. Griffard was the ultra-luxurious suburb in Atlantis; only Greek demi-gods were allowed to buy this ambrosia-like delicacy (don't ask how WE got one bottle) 1/2 shot pasteurized egg white. Made with eggs impregnated by the rooster that was the actual MODEL for the French Rooster logo.
About the car:
We can get you this little toy which recently auctioned for $147 MILLION. No, we are not making this up. The Mercedes Benz 300 SLR Uhlenhaut Coupe was one of TWO made, and was sold so MB would use that money for charity. It comes with a contract that if you as much as sneeze within ten meters of the entrance to the estate where you have a fireproof garage where you keep it under 24 hour surveillance by an Israeli Army commando, you have to give it back.
mercedes.jpg
I hope you don't mind if we ask, at the very least, to see your Black America Express card. Prior to serving you.
by New England Nitemare Ugh....my suicide pool adventure is OVER and OUT....ugh Medvedev, really???? Bad pick!!! Awful. I really should have known better....
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by ponchi101
New England Nitemare wrote: ↑Mon May 30, 2022 8:51 pm
Ugh....my suicide pool adventure is OVER and OUT....ugh Medvedev, really???? Bad pick!!! Awful. I really should have known better....
Can we interest you in a Black Russian? Because after such a beating, white probably does not go well with the bruises...
russian.jpg
taste-of-diamonds.jpeg
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by ponchi101 And, our SP for Les Madames 'as ended, with two very worthy winners. Although you lost today, you will win the contest.
For you, we 'ave a special bottle of TASTE OF DIAMONDS, le most expensive champagne in the world, as the "label" (actually a plate) is made of platinum and is encrusted with Swarovski crystals.
Do not worry about the tab; we will sneak on to Patrick's, who is paying a rather 'efty one.
Salut, McBride10 et Riley371!
he will lead you to your gallows, er, we mean, your table. Salut!
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All the vegemite is for Alex, runny egg is a appropriate ending to a toeuf match! (ok, that's enoeuf 