Great Moments in the History of the Survivor pools

[ponchi101]

On this day (actually, yesterday), Bianca Andreescu, a.k.a. Anna Karenina, Blanche Dubois, Ophelia, Juliet, Alize Cornet, Emma Bovary (and some other names) decided to let down 38 innocent souls that thought it fitting to put their lives in the dramatic hands of this young lady, famous for making any and all main characters in a Jane Austen novel look stoic by comparison. She lost to... somebody. Pretty sure it must have been somebody; those are the rules of tennis, but it was somebody that was such a nobody that might as well have said Bianca lost all by herself.
The point is: it was bound to be dramatic. But it was to be dramatic in the sense that watching Christians being eaten by lions is dramatic but palatable, if you are rooting for the lions. In this case, the 38 downed players were misled into the arena, and were devoured.
May them RIP. And Bianca roast in SP hell.

[ponchi101]

On this day (well, again, yesterday because it was Australian time), Cameron Norrie let the souls of 32 players fall into damnation, as he went down to Jiri Lehecka. Yes, just as you just read it. To Jiri Lehecka, as in "What the Hecka were you doing, Cameron? . Despite going up two sets to one, Cameron was unable to close the deal and went under Down Under. Being a citizen of the UK, Mr. Norrie should be stripped of his citizenship and move to Australia himself, as that was the place where the crown used to send all its criminals.
And losing to Lehecka was certainly nothing less than a crime.
Let Norrie's name from now on live in infamy, as a man that single handedly wiped out 50% of a Survivor's Pool. Sir Cameron Norrie, ever? No way. More like "Inmate Cam", from now on.

[dryrunguy]

On this day (well, again, yesterday because it was Australian time), Cameron Norrie let the souls of 32 players fall into damnation, as he went down to Jiri Lehecka. Yes, just as you just read it. To Jiri Lehecka, as in "What the Hecka were you doing, Cameron? :evil ". Despite going up two sets to one, Cameron was unable to close the deal and went under Down Under. Being a citizen of the UK, Mr. Norrie should be stripped of his citizenship and move to Australia himself, as that was the place where the crown used to send all its criminals.
And losing to Lehecka was certainly nothing less than a crime.
Let Norrie's name from now on live in infamy, as a man that single handedly wiped out 50% of a Survivor's Pool. Sir Cameron Norrie, ever? No way. More like "Inmate Cam", from now on.

If you throw in the fact that Lehecka also took down a bunch of us on Monday by beating Coric, it's an even more compelling story.

[ponchi101]

On this day (well, again, yesterday because it was Australian time), Cameron Norrie let the souls of 32 players fall into damnation, as he went down to Jiri Lehecka. Yes, just as you just read it. To Jiri Lehecka, as in "What the Hecka were you doing, Cameron? :evil ". Despite going up two sets to one, Cameron was unable to close the deal and went under Down Under. Being a citizen of the UK, Mr. Norrie should be stripped of his citizenship and move to Australia himself, as that was the place where the crown used to send all its criminals.
And losing to Lehecka was certainly nothing less than a crime.
Let Norrie's name from now on live in infamy, as a man that single handedly wiped out 50% of a Survivor's Pool. Sir Cameron Norrie, ever? No way. More like "Inmate Cam", from now on.

If you throw in the fact that Lehecka also took down a bunch of us on Monday by beating Coric, it's an even more compelling story.

Oh, but then, Lehecka deserves to be in the HALL OF FAME, not the one of SHAME. I was not aware of that factoid.
Keeping up with the theme, we have to start using he term: "What the Leheck?", whenever we lose to some truly miserable foe.

[nelslus]

FOR what it's worth- it also seemed like something was off physically with Norrie. (Other than his usual irrelevance.)

[nelslus]

AND it also looked like Petra was offering a lot of mentorship (NO pun intended) to Lehecka and the younger team members during that United Cup thing. So, it could also be mentioned that Succubus Lehecka may have drained any last, fading big-match talent away from Petra.

[ponchi101]

Not on this day. Not on the previous, Australian day. Actually, in the entire tournament (Aussie Open 2023).
Jiri Lehecka has slaughtered the Coric Pickers, the Norrie Pickers and the FAA pickers. Blood on his hands? Nah, blood on his forehands, backhands, serves and volleys. He has taken all of TAT at the same time.
And has won.

[ponchi101]

On this day, BVDZ name would have lived in infamy forever more were it not for the fact that in reality, nobody can call him by his name. Imagine the scenarios, if one were to truly have this conversation face to face:
"Remember the day Botic Fan der Chango..."
"The day that Chaotic wunder chopsuey..."
"I picked Robbie San Cho Panza the day..."
"I remember I was at the deli shop when Brutus Fondle Ketchup..."
it would be like that. His name would be associated with the death of 39 innocent (and naive) players that in reality, were doing a crossword puzzle at that moment and were asked "Who was the head of the UN from 92 through 96" and coughed up the wrong answer and typed it in THIS site, as opposed to correctly typing the way more acceptable Boutros Boutros-Ghali and steer clear from this impossibly to pronounce massacre.
May Rotten Than The Satan remain void from our future picks, and may his name never again be attempted to be pronounced by any SP picker. He has truly become, at last, He Who Shall Not Be Named (not by any sort of silly Harry Potter hex but rather to avoid jaw dislocation).

[ponchi101]

You know? I have nothing funny to write about Dennis Shapovalov losing today and wiping out 50% of the pool. Nothing inspiring: calling him THE MENACE realy is nothing splendid, reminding him that he was once expected to challenge the top players is something from the past, asking him if he was not motivated enough because the prize money "is not enough" is pedantic.
Nope. Let's just record it. Today, this kid lost to Roman Saffiulin and took out 27 people. Nothing more to say.
I will leave it to the losers to come up with the proper curses for his name.

[ponchi101]

When you wipe out 81% of a pool, you have achieved levels of infamy that truly reserved for players of the utmost perfidy. Cameron Norrie managed that on this day, going down meekly to Matteo il picollo. Arnaldi simply whipped poor Cameron in a simple straight sets victory, showing Cameron's ridiculous strokes are meant to be mocked, not to be relied upon.
But there is an interesting tidbit here. Look just ONE POST ABOVE. Notice that the last great debacle in our SP's took out... 27 players. It was of lesser percentage, but those that believe in numerology and in fate, will be likely inclined to see it as an indication. Some software development (or just a simpler form of witchcraft) may have to be implemented to let us know: Beware of the N° 27 when dealing with bandwagons.
Or, a bit more simple, beware of Cameron.
A pox on his name.

[ponchi101]

On this day (Jan 16th, 2023), the combined putrid performances by Caro Wozniacki, Leylah Fernandez, Caro Garcia, Maria Sakkari and Elise Mertens led to the pool losing 46 out of 59 players, a percentage of death so high that I refuse to even contemplate using a calculator to figure it out (ok, that is a bit under 80%). Not only that, 5 of the top 6 picks for the day were slaughtered, with Lesia "I sometimes retire from my cup of coffee in the morning" Tsurenko being the sole player that managed to escape this metaphorical slaughterhouse.
Add to that that 3-time slam finalist Ons Jabeur also lost, 0 & 2 to a woman that still cannot legally drive in 90% of the world, and you can see that this game of playing SURVIVOR is akin to playing surviving in an aquarium full of sharks, with a nosebleed.
May we all remember this day in true horror.

[ponchi101]

Diana Schnitzel today lost to a woman that has won 10 matches in her entire tennis career. A career that is about to reach age 30. A woman so frail looking that the RG site lists her weight as " - ".
But, of course, it was a case of which food you liked best. Diana Shnitzel vs Chloe Parkay. Or Diana Strudel Vs Chloe Ponque. Or any combination you can think of. Because the reality is that Ms. Diana Chinchilla killed 35 players out of a pool of about 140, meaning she devoured 25% of the pool.
In one bite.
I mean, no biggie. We will never remember her other than for this, so she has made her mark. Now, let Chloe offer you a nice slice of bread with some butter spread on top. And then watch you choke.

[ponchi101]

It went something like this.
Samson was a mighty warrior of supernatural strength (because they never tell stories of a mighty warrior of supernatural wit that showed late for the battle and lived to tell the tale) that somehow got somebody upset. Enter Dalilah, obviously a gorgeous babe with beguiling superpowers that realizes that the way to trap this a*****e is to bed him and then give him a haircut, after which Samson lost his strength and was arrested and thrown into prison. Where, after Dalilah had shown them what to do, they forgot to trim him regularly and Samson recovered his strength and one day, using a DONKEY's JAW (of all parts of a donkey, would you really choose the jaw? Because something else comes to mind) he brings down the walls of Jericho or something like that.
Anyway. The point is: 20 POOR SOULS WERE TRIMMED by Liudmila Samsonova (obviously not related) who went down meekly to Elizabeta Cocchiareto (I can't even spell that) who played Dalilah with a hedge trimmer to your Samson. I mean, it is like going to the barber and not getting a trim, getting your head chopped off.
I hope your hair grows back by Wimbledon but, for now, it was OFF WITH YOUR HEAD (but that is another story).

[ponchi101]

Today, 32 souls perished at the gifted hands of Ugo Humbert, one of those super talented French players that can hit any shot from any place in the court at any time, but then doesn't.
You died at the hands of a player whose last name translates as "Eats vindictiveness". Which is what you should hold (in a peaceful way) towards Ugo.
Just never pick him again, right?