2023 Australian Open Survivor Pool: Loser's Lounge

[dave g]

This is where all hopes of winning a survivor pool go to die.

[ponchi101]

Hullo Mites!
The name of the bar is The BACK OF BOURKE Bar. That is Aussie for "A very long way". As in: You have a very long way before you can even celebrate.
Because you, most likely, will die. Why?
This is Australia, mate. Frigging hummingbirds are poisonous here. You know those lovely koalas? Yes, lovely, unless they bite you with their super sharp beaks, or scratch you with their supper sharp nails.
You wanna know how dangerous this land is?
Take a look:
Try not to step on an Inland taipan. With a Lethal Dose 0.025 micrograms, this is the world’s most venomous snake. Almost as bad as picking a Bondarenko, so imagine your chances.
Or how about a Geographer cone snail? Yes, a snail. One sting from this predatory snail could kill many adults. How stupid can you be to get stung by a snail? It OUTRAN YOU?! Well, almost as stupid as that lucky loser pick that came to bite you back. It happens.
Or the Box jellyfish? One of the most venomous marine creatures known, the box jellyfish can kill a healthy adult in minutes. The same as picking a chinese player. Or against a chinese player. Or even pondering about maybe perhaps considering a match involving a chinese player. DON'T make that pick and then jump in the water. They are infested with these things. Or stay in your room and get stung by a
Sydney funnel web spider. Australia’s, and possibly the world’s, deadliest spider, it can kill an adult in an hour. Which is a lot more than what that lousy pick you made will last, after he takes a minor spill on court and calls it quits because he got a booboo. And killed you.
Or, how about a Blue-ringed octopus? Although no bigger than an open hand, a blue-ringed octopus has an LD50 rating of 0.3 for some elements of its venom. One bite contains enough neurotoxins to paralyse many people, and can induce muscle weakness, breathing difficulties and paralysis within 10 minutes. Death can occur rapidly unless CPR is performed swiftly. There’s no antidote and bites sometimes go unnoticed. Exactly like picking a French player and slowly freeze on your deathbed as she blows 93 matchpoints and finally loses 73-75 in a third set tiebreak, as you simply die because you have been slowly holding your breath for 3 agonic hours.

So, order a beer. We have a fine selection. Go take a seat, and wriggle uncomfortably at your table because you don't know if any of our hundreds of venomous creatures has crawled under your chair and is about to sting/bite/spit/chew/stare at you and kill you. Just like that pick you made.

Cheers!

[dryrunguy]

You know what they say... "There's a fool Borna every minute!"

[ponchi101]

Not a terrible day. It seems people are tiptoeing carefully around here. The critters?...

[ponchi101]

There is also another despicable beast from hell here in Australia. The vicious, poisonous Kick-man-oh-bitch, a slimy, scummy animal that looks quite safe and tame and then comes back and bites you, and you die a slow and stupid death.
I speak from experience.
I'll have a Mathilda Bay. Worry not, I'll get it myself.

[ponchi101]

A lot of people are planning a trip to Estonia soon.
To strangle Kanepi. Tables are waiting.

[shmrck14]

Ugh, Kanepei finally seeded and has, as the opponent, taken out so many. Finally thought she was a safe pick for round 1. Totally fell apart against a wild card.

Most likely out in men too with the loser Kecmanovic who should have been a safe pick but down 2 sets to none

I'll have a double shot of vokda cranberry

[ponchi101]

Ugh, Kanepei finally seeded and has, as the opponent, taken out so many. Finally thought she was a safe pick for round 1. Totally fell apart against a wild card.

Most likely out in men too with the loser Kecmanovic who should have been a safe pick but down 2 sets to none

I'll have a double shot of vokda cranberry

Shots? Take the whole bottle. You deserve it.

DEEP-EDDY-CRANBERRY-VODKA-750ML-1024x1024.jpg

[Owendonovan]

You know what they say... "There's a fool Borna every minute!"

I'm sure if I were given the chance to console him, he'd feel better.

[texasniteowl]

Table for 17 please. Those of us who picked Goffin for today...apparently he is out. Was supposed to play Lokoli. Now the schedule is:

M. Mmoh LL vs L. Lokoli

[ponchi101]

Goffin apparently was given an octopus salad. A Blue Ring Octopus salad. Therefore...

[ashkor87]

I'll have an empty glass please..goffin stood me up...

[karlovicfanclub]

A lot of people are planning a trip to Estonia soon.
To strangle Kanepi. Tables are waiting.

I'll have a seat at the Kanepi victim's table. She was serving for the match at 5-4 in the second set and basically lost every point the rest of the match. Thanks to her and Warwinka I am out of both draws in the first round -- the first time that's happened to me in my many years of participating.

[ponchi101]

"Hello, this is the Back of Bourke bar. How can we help you? Yes, a reservation for 23, under Sinner. Yes, everything is arranged. What? No, I don't think you can cancel this late, it was a lavish banquet of italian food and drinks. No, sorry, it makes no difference if you have no reason anymore to come! You had a reservation, and that was that! Yes, I mean we will still charge your credit card. Oh, you think we can't do anything about it? You will be here sooner or later, mate. Then we will see who is so tough.
See you soon, bloke!"

[dave g]

Expect a large crowd of Norrie pickers, once they wake up. Almost half of the remaining ATP pool pickers (32) went down with him.